CoachingMums

10 things about life I’d want to tell my children today if I knew I was going to die tomorrow

amanda — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:15:11 +0000

Life has a way of bringing your focus back onto the important things and recently I asked myself the question “If I were to die tomorrow, what would I want my sons to know to live worthwhile and fulfilling lives”? It might sound morbid, but actually, the pondering let me to a quiet gratitude for and celebration of life.

Answering this kind of question is useful for parents who want to get clear about the sort of values they want to espouse as a family. And in fact, once we’ve decided what’s important, we don’t have to wait to tell our children!

Here are the 10 things I’d want to tell my children if I knew I was going to die tomorrow

1. Life will never be all up and no down. Accept this, but remember that during the down times, something positive eventually emerges from the negative. Treat every “bad” thing that happens in your life with curiosity. Be a learning detective and look for the life lesson. No matter how bad it may seem at the time, try to find one positive out of every negative.

2. Smile. My mum always told me to “dry your tears and put your lippie on”. You don’t need the lippie, but you do need to get that smile on your face, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing. Don’t transfer your misery onto others. Instead, make it your mission to create a better world one person at a time; smile at people you meet as you go about your daily life. You never know, you may just save a life with your smile. And you will certainly preserve your own.

3. Human beings are magnificent. Every human being is special. Take every opportunity to connect with as people as you can in your life. Talk to the men who collect your refuse, talk to the woman who serves your coffee and talk to the man cleaning the public toilets. Accept people as you find them. Each connection you make with each human being will enrich your life. The more you talk to people, the more your life will fill with luck, wisdom, happiness and abundance.

4. Don’t take yourself seriously. Don’t get offended by stuff – it’s just boring. Laugh at yourself when you mess up (you will), be humble when you excel (you will) and most importantly, treat yourself lightly and gently when life feels heavy (it will).

5. The safest place to invest in a turbulent world is in yourself. Never stop learning and invest heavily in You Inc. so that you have a set of skills that you can turn into money. Keep growing your skills so that that no matter what happens with the economy, you can find ways to support yourself and those you love.

6. Be kind. Being kind means approaching others with compassion and understanding, even when they are annoying the buggery out of you. It’s not always easy. Sometimes, the most difficult people to be kind to are the people you love, which makes it even more important to keep kindness as your guide.

7. Your health really does comes first – both physical and mental.
Keep moving for the joy of moving, lift heavy things and stretch your body. Nurture your mental health by reading widely and talking to good friends and learning to be still. Do whatever you can to keep yourself healthy and never take your health for granted. It must come first – every day.

8. Don’t ever let fear rule your life. My philosophy is this: If something scares you, all the more reason to do it. Make it a habit to do one thing that scares the pants off you each week. The more you face your fears, the more you’ll live your life.

9. You have the power to choose. You always have a choice and there’s nothing you HAVE to do. Sure, there are consequences to each choice you make, but there’s no such thing as “must” in life. You will always be free as long as you allow yourself to be free. The only person who can make you feel trapped is you.

10. Make joie de vivre your guiding principle in life. This is IT kids! You only get one shot at this life you have now! So live it completely. Do the things that make your heart soar. Eat delicious food, drink good wine, and dance your way through life. Laugh with abandon, love passionately and be awe-inspired by life in all its glory.

Tell me, what would YOU want your children to know if you knew you were going to die tomorrow? How do you want your children to live their lives? Try this exercise yourself and you will get very clear on what your key values are in life.

The Magical Formula for Making Good Things Happen in Your Life

amanda — Fri, 17 May 2013 13:57:52 +0000

Pretty much every time I start work with a client and certainly every time I start work with a coach for my own development, unexpected – and good- things start happening. There’s always a little bit of “magic” that seems to happen. Here’s a true story from this week to motivate, inspire and fill you with hope. And at the end of the story, I’m going to share with you my own “top secret” formula for how the magic happens, so you can apply it in your life.

On Monday, Carolyn and I held the last of her coaching calls: Our previous coaching call had been a month earlier. I discovered that a LOT had happened in Carolyn’s life in that month.

Carolyn is a single mum with a young daughter aged 2. She is an HR professional and she set the following goals to achieve during her coaching over 6 months:

1. Improve on specific feedback from work appraisal
2. Get clear about next career move
3. Feel more in control
4. See my daughter into nursery school

Carolyn achieved all these goals in less then 6 months. And she didn’t just achieve them – she went beyond them.

Just 5 months after we met, Carolyn is well on her way to securing a new job on double the salary. Yes, you read that correctly – double the salary. And no – she wouldn’t have believed it was possible either 5 months ago. And no – she doesn’t have magic super powers!

There’s more: The new job will reduce her commute by an hour and a half each day. She has sorted out nursery for her daughter, she feels her relationship with her daughter is even stronger and she feels more control, far more relaxed about where her career and her life is going. There are still challenges, but Carolyn says she seems to be “going with the flow” with those challenges rather than constantly battling them.

In fact, Carolyn has achieved much more than I’m sharing here. Carolyn told me that she puts less pressure on herself, therefore she hasn’t been getting the lows she used to get, therefore everything seems better. Ergo – everything IS better. And then all the magic started to happen!

In short, Carolyn discovered the magic formula for making good things happen in her life!

Some people call this magic formula “The Law of Attraction”. You may have heard of the book “The Secret”. On a slightly more scientific level, you may view it as the nature of energy begetting energy.

But I have my own version of it. It’s not always easy to get right, especially if you are in a bit of a hole when you start. It would seem, from my experience, that you have to be brave, take a deep breath and take a leap to kickstart the “magic”. And then, when that magic starts happening, you have to accept it and keep going with the flow. There’s definitely a knack to it. But one that’s worth practising, don’t you think?

So here it is, the magic formula for making good things happen in your life(shhh! Don’t tell anyone!)

I’d be very interested to hear your views and experiences. Has it worked for you? Pop in your comments below!

And if you want to show that magic you’re serious, then schedule a chemistry call with me. Who knows where you might be in 6 months time if you take that leap?

Inspirational Working Mums: Sharon Baker

amanda — Fri, 10 May 2013 14:25:04 +0000

1. Introducing myself…

Sharon Baker
Older than 40
Hubby and 2 kids
London

2. Why I work…

Keeping Sane
Being a good role model
Financial necessity and security

3. What I appreciate most about being a working mum…

Switching “off” from kids and onto work that I enjoy and keeps me sane.

4. What is working particularly well for me at the moment in my life as a
working mum…

I love that I give myself space to work and feel lucky to work in what I believe in.

As a working mum I find I have little time to procrastinate as my work time is short. Therefore prioritising and focusing on my daily work tasks is easier than working life before being a mum.

5. What are the most challenging aspects of being a working mum?

It helps that the kids are now at school most of the day, pre- school age becomes more of a challenge due to childcare costs. Without any family support and being in London means that setting up on your own costs a lot in child care and is a big financial struggle and commitment.

Sometimes I feel I can’t be there for my children in terms of socially spending time with other mums and their kids.

Choices can be hard, recently I was about to get on Eurostar to Brussels for a big pitch, my daughter complained of a bad tummy ache and I was genuinely worried about her. I chose to leave her at home with child care and go for my pitch meeting. Once on the train I was determined to make the most of the meeting and not worry about my daughter being at home. I had the best pitch meeting ever (even though we didn’t win the business) and I got home to my perfectly happy daughter whose tummy ache was gone . But making the choices can be hard.

6. A bit about my career or business…

I have 2 businesses, I help run a social media agency – www.agency2.co.uk and recently I have set up an events company www.berealtalks.com. We aim to provide fun events with powerful messages. Our first event “Why size doesn’t matter” is happening on June 4th in London, it’s a cross between a theatre experience and comedy club with a funky workshop element. The event offers practical and easy techniques that you can access daily to feel more positive about your relationship with food and with your body. We’ve invited such an eclectic line up speakers and entertainers including a stylist, a comedian, a psychologist, artist, performance poet and I’m really excited about it! LoL… If you’d like to come and join us, here’s where you can get more info! http://ow.ly/jQseb.

7. A typical “day in the life of” me…

What does a “typical” working day look like?

Wake up and meditate. Manage to leave house by 7:30 with 2 kids and me! Drop son at breakfast club, help daughter do homework , drop her off at school by 8:45. Drink my caffeine fix as as I run to get the train into work. Then I have meetings / phone calls / work until lunch. Rush to get lunch then back to more meetings / phone calls and work. I may try to squeeze in the occasional non-work call in my lunch time. Run to catch train home at around 6. Finish eating supper with kids when get home, bath then reading with both kids and try to get them to sleep! After that I try to switch off for the evening but tend to catch up on emails etc.

Will also work from home which is less frantic as no train rides to rush to and will try to fit in exercise as well.

8. How I sometimes make things harder for myself…

I continually schedule too much into my days. So at the end of the day when I haven’t done what I want to I feel frustrated.

I beat myself up about things often. Am still working on trying to achieve the perfect home / work balance – not sure it’s possible though so trying to make sure I realise I can only try my best.

9. What’s “me time”?

I meditate regularly, twice a day. This is non-negotiable me time. I also try to schedule in exercise three times a week. I love to spend time with my hubby and friends.

10. What I would do with an extra hour each day…

Wow, that would be amazing! Would try to walk in nature on my own and also with kids and family.

11. My golden rules of how I manage to balance work and life…

I have learnt to meditate before I switch from my work mode to being a mum mode. The 20 minutes meditating I give myself between these two different roles helps me to be in the present both in work and with the kids.

Scheduling : My husband and I share a work and social diary. We try to go through this together weekly. I make sure I look at this each day and try to juggle things around so the week works.

Not to beat myself up : I used to feel guilty I wasn’t with my kids or guilty that I wasn’t able to finish off my work presentation properly. Now I realise it’s ok to not be perfect all the time.

12. What prompted me to work with a Coach…

I was feeling overwhelmed with everything, needed to help myself feel back on track and less overwhelmed.

13. Why I chose Coaching Mums/Amanda…

Amanda is a fellow redhead and I just clicked with her on the phone during our chemistry call.

14. What I have achieved from coaching with Amanda…

Tactics to help my overwhelm , to know that I am doing whatever I can do and that is fine.

Links to exploring other things in my life from spirituality to meditation. Didn’t think coaching would take me to some of these places, but it did.

As a result of coaching with Amanda I am less confused and overwhelmed so therefore can enjoy my time much better with my family and whilst at work.

15. If you want to connect with me, here’s how…

www.agency2.co.uk and www.berealtalks.com

@bakerred @berealtalks

http://www.Linkedin.com/Sharonbaker

www.facebook.com/berealtalks

Sharon@berealtalks.com / Sharon.baker@agency2.co.uk

Seven Top Tips for nurturing your relationship for busy mums!

Julie Marah — Fri, 03 May 2013 19:12:31 +0000

It’s a myth that we don’t have to work at our relationships. Yet, how often do we slip into automatic pilot and expect our romantic relationships to take care of themselves?

Imagine if we left our garden untended. Let’s say we put the work in to create a beautiful garden. And then we just expected it to harvest amazing flowers and fragrant herbs year after year. With no effort or nurturing on our part.

It’s not going to happen.

Before we know it we would have a garden full of weeds and overgrown foliage.

And it would take huge effort to return our garden to its former glory. It would be so much easier if we had regularly tended it and invested our time, energy and love in doing so.

It’s an easy analogy to understand isn’t it? We get it. So how come we don’t apply the same principles to our relationships?!

In order for our relationships to flourish and remain healthy we must nurture them in the same way. With our time, energy and love.

So, what can we do if our relationship has slipped to the bottom of the pile and we’re just too exhausted to do anything about it!?

Here are my seven Top Tips:

Tip No. 1 – Question your thinking
What thoughts do you have about why your relationship has slipped down the priority list? Is it really just a case of the busyness of life as a working mum and juggling too many balls? Or is there something else going on?

For example, are you playing ‘tit for tat’? Do you believe that your partner doesn’t make any effort, and therefore you’re not going to either?

If that’s the case, what does it mean that he’s not making an effort? Does it mean he doesn’t love you enough? That he doesn’t care about your needs? That he’s a selfish so-and-so who’s more interested in going to the pub with his mates?

These types of thoughts will all lead to the result of a relationship that is not a priority.

Tip No. 2 – Ask yourself: what do you want?
Simple question. But have you asked yourself lately? If what you want is more connection and a closer relationship with your partner, something has to change. And the first place to start is with your thinking.

If you’re not making an effort because he isn’t, you’re not going to get the result you want. You are just going to get more of what you already have and don’t want (the definition of madness and all that! ;o))
So what thought is going to take you in the direction of the result you most want? Perhaps it’s: “My marriage/relationship is important to me and I’m going to make time to invest in it.”

Clean up and align your thinking with the result you want for yourself and your relationship. Then decide what actions you want to take.

Tip No. 3 – Take responsibility
Your happiness is your responsibility. Not your husband or partner’s. You can’t delegate it to him. If you’re not willing to do what it takes to make you happy, you can’t blame him.

You are the one feeling the disconnection, resentment, sadness, or other negative emotions. And you are the only one who can change it.

Stop waiting for your husband, or anyone else, to ‘save’ you. You have to save yourself! When you realise this, you can let go of blame and making other people responsible for what’s not working in your life.

Tip No. 4 – Take care of your own needs first
Why are you so exhausted that the thought of making an effort makes you want to keel over? Are you playing the martyr role and putting everybody else’s needs ahead of your own?

It’s another myth that as women and mothers we should take care of everybody else’s needs first. And we’ve all got the t-shirt to prove that this approach doesn’t work!

Putting ourselves last leaves us feeling resentful, exhausted, burned out, stressed out. Not happy bunnies! And all of this negative energy is what we give to our loved ones. Not the recipe for happy, healthy relationships!

Taking care of our own needs first is a win-win for everybody. When we feel nourished and cared for, we can give to the people in our lives from the place of genuinely wanting to give.

You may be thinking: “Yeah right, that’s never going to happen. When do I get to put me first with everything on my plate!”

If that’s you I’m going to challenge the ‘story’ you are telling yourself. The only person who can put you first is YOU! We are all busy. And we can all get creative about our own self-care if we truly value ourselves and our physical and emotional health. It’s your choice.

Tip No. 5 – Communicate
Your husband is not a mind-reader and nor are you. This isn’t a skill either of you somehow acquired when you became a couple. Don’t assume he should know what you want or what you are thinking. He won’t know unless you tell him. Conversely, don’t assume you know what he’s thinking or what he wants. Ask him!

Don’t make up ‘stories’ in your mind about what his behaviour means, particularly if you are going to make it mean something negative. This just leads to negative feelings and is going to create more disconnection in your relationship.

Tell him what you want. Ask him what he wants. Make suggestions. Make time. Make it happen!

Tip No. 6 – Give what you most want to receive
What is missing from your relationship that you want your partner to provide? If you want to feel loved and cherished, how can you love and cherish yourself more? If you want more connection, where have you become disconnected from yourself?

When we ‘need’ our partner to fulfil our needs this creates a ‘needy’ energy that is not attractive. When we come to the relationship with our own emotional needs met this creates an entirely different energy.

When we no longer ‘need’ anything from our partner, ironically, that is when he is most likely to give us the very thing we have been craving.

If you are craving connection, intimacy and romance bring those things to yourself and to your relationship. Give the kind of love you want to receive. Don’t wait for your husband to provide it.

Tip No. 7 – Decide
If you want your relationship to be a priority you must decide to make it so! Let’s be honest, we all manage to find time for the things that are most important to us. No matter how busy we are.

Making time for your relationship doesn’t have to become just another item on your exhaustive To Do list. It could look like a 10 minute chat at the end of the day or an evening together without the kids. Or something else. Get creative!

Make it fun. Make it something you look forward to. Make it something that energises you.

If you ask people who have successful, happy relationships what their secret is, they will tell you that they make time for their relationship. They make it a priority. They nurture it.

Now I want to hear from you. Which of the above Tips resonated with you the most? And what’s ONE thing you are you going to do to make your relationship a priority? Please do share in the comments below.

About the author:
Julie is a Certified Life Coach and a ‘Wife Coach’. She works with busy professional women who feel stuck and frustrated in their marriages but don’t want to leave. Her free eGuide Five Secrets to Staying Married Without Losing Your Sanity is available for immediate download from her website www.JulieMarah.com.

How to Feel Beautiful – And Make Sure Your Kids Do Too

Sharon Baker — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 06:29:05 +0000

How many times have you been told “true beauty comes from within”? Probably several times by your mum or gran when you were a teenager stressing about your muffin top or latest bout of acne. And while you may have believed this advice to be intrinsically true, you probably disregarded it as being irrelevant to your life.

Unfortunately it seems women rarely grow out of this behaviour and while repeating the same truth to our daughters and believing it most passionately for them, we still find ourselves clinging like a limpet to the Western ideals of beauty. If only we could lose a few pounds, banish cellulite, grow thicker hair, basically turn into a Disney princess, we would be happy. How can we believe so inherently that true beauty is about confidence yet so paradoxically that a successful diet will make all our dreams come true?

So what is real beauty? Some big brands have attempted to show that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes – brands like Dove launched the ‘The Real Beauty’ campaign a few years ago using models of all shapes and sizes – but even these brands are confusing the messages. Their latest ad campaign shows a group of women who are drawn by a forensic sketch artist as they perceive themselves and then redrawn as others see them. Unsurprising the second drawing is considered more attractive.

The message is that we perceive ourselves to be less appealing than we really are. The problem is these women once again are showing that they want to feel beautiful on the outside in order to boost their confidence. More worryingly the campaign seems to disproportionately showcase Caucasian women under a certain age and bmi. The vast majority of women are not represented. Where is the diversity?

What can we do as mums to feel beautiful and truly convey this to our children?

Tip one: Bin the beauty, fashion, gossip mags. If you don’t see them you won’t receive the distorted messages and no chance of leaving them around so that your children read the same messages.

Tip two: Try to stop yourself from talking negatively about your body especially around your children. Turn your negative thoughts into positives and say what you like instead.

Tip three: Think about other qualities you value in people you admire, these probably have nothing to do with what they look like, so talk about these values to your children.

Tip four: When you eat your food, rather than worry about the calories, fat content etc take time to enjoy the textures and taste. If you are enjoying what you eat your kids will see that food is enjoyable and fun.

Tip five: Think about what your best qualities are: your face; your charm; your street smarts. Show them off and celebrate your unique brilliance!

Western ideals of beauty are so ingrained in our deepest psyche thanks to generations of propaganda, it takes a brave visionary to challenge them. However, unless we wish our sons and daughters to continue chasing unobtainable physical perfection, isn’t it time for that old adage, “beauty comes from within” to finally become our battle cry?

About the author: Sharon Baker is a mum of 2 and the founder and co-director of www.berealtalks.com, a company that runs fun events with powerful messages. Their inaugural event is “Why Size Doesn’t Matter” on June 4^th in London. It will be part theatrical experience, part comedy club with a funky workshop added to the mix! At “Why Size Doesn’t Matter” you will emerge feeling positive and happy about eating and about your body”.

The 3 ½ Point Emergency Action Plan for When Life Sucks

amanda — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 06:52:41 +0000

I received a message on the contact form on my website the other day which
read:

“Help! My life is out of control. I have a sick mother, my husband is out of work and my house is a mess. I am a mother of 4 and working part time. I think I am suffering from anxiety or depression.”
Janine (not her real name)

This is certainly not the first time I’ve come across a plea for help like this. Over the past ten years of coaching mothers, I’ve read many similar emails.

I replied to Janine’s email:

“Dear Janine

You’re not out of control – you ARE having a tough time. Get yourself to the doctors and get a referral to get some help for your feelings of anxiety and depression. Who do you have in your network of friends to lean on, even if it’s just for a cup of tea and a good sob?

You’ll get through this, Janine. Try drawing a circle on a piece of paper with “Janine” in the middle of it. Now draw lines coming out of the circle and brainstorm what’s going on in your life. Once you’ve done that, add ideas of how you could make things just a tiny bit easier on yourself for each challenge.

My mum always tells me “This too shall pass”. And I pass that little gem onto you. Acknowledge it’s hard at the moment… and be infinitely kind to yourself

Of course it’s difficult to offer advice or support to someone who you don’t know and from just a couple of lines of high level information. But there are a few surefire things that help every time when life brings you lemons, whatever your particular circumstances.

I am hoping that your life is going swimmingly as you read this, and that you don’t even need to read the rest of this post.

But I know that there will be some reading who will be struggling with a whole heap of sh1t in your life. That’s just the way life rolls sometimes – we all have to navigate our way through life’s downs as well as ups.

Here’s my 3 ½ point emergency action plan for when life sucks:

1. Make sleep a priority
This is where you really MUST put your extreme self-care first. If you have a sick relative, if you are the main breadwinner, if you are the only income provider – whatever your situation, your sleep is PARAMOUNT.

I’m no expert, but it seems to me that a problem diminishes in heaviness when I wake up after a good night’s sleep. It feels ten times worse at 11pm and increases in awfulness by a factor of about 100
times at 4am.

We all know that there are many basic tips for getting a good night’s sleep – warm milky drink, no alcohol or caffeine, cool room, blackout blinds, gentle exercise, meditation, warm bath etc etc. But occasionally you may find that even though you’re doing all the “right” things, you’re still waking up in the wee hours and your brain kicks into gear.

If you find yourself in this vicious circle, the sooner you find a solution, the better. I make all the usual caveats here – I’m not a medical professional and you should use your common sense and your own internal guidance system. That said, if you are consistently not sleeping and you’re waking up at 3am (yes, I’ve been there!), then I see no harm in at least seeking a friendly doctor to explore alternative options for helping you to get back into a healthy sleeping rhythm.

2. Keep a Daily Gratitude Journal
If could only share one thing with you and nothing else, this would be it. No matter how much life sucks, when you seek out the tiny moments that are good in each day, you will feel better – even if it’s just a little bit.

Believe me, this is true. And even if you don’t believe me, do it anyway.

Those of you who have been reading my posts for a while will know what I’m going on about. If you don’t, here’s a quick “how to keep a daily gratitude journal”.

Make a list at the end of each day of at least 20 things that you are thankful for from the day you’ve just had. In order to “find” 20 things, you’re going to have to start noticing the little things.

For example:

“I’m grateful for the smile my child gave me at breakfast”

“I’m grateful for the taste of that first sip of my morning tea”

“I’m grateful that I sorted out that irritating issue at work today”

“I’m grateful for the blossom I noticed on the tree outside the house”

“I’m grateful for the hot shower I had this morning”

Get the gist? The magic of keeping a gratitude diary is this: The more you train yourself to look for things to feel thankful for, the more you see. And when you’re right in the middle of a big pile of poo in your life, this will help increase your resilience. It won’t necessarily eliminate the poo, but it will help you feel more in control and less anxious!

Maintain your gratitude journal throughout tough times: You will probably let it go when life gets easier, but when life sucks, this insanely simple, but incredibly powerful little exercise will keep your
head above water.

3. Tend and Befriend

There is plenty of scientific evidence to demonstrate that the female response to stress is to “tend and befriend”.

Here’s the science bit:

“Tending involves nurturant activities designed to protect the self and offspring that promote safety and reduce distress; befriending is the creation and maintenance of social networks that may aid in this process. The biobehavioral mechanism that underlies the tend and befriend pattern appears to draw heavily on the attachment/caregiving system, and considerable neuroendocrine evidence from animal and human studies suggests that oxytocin, in conjunction with female reproductive hormones and endogenous opioid peptide mechanisms, may be at its core.”

http://www.updegrafflab.org/files/5713/3886/8266/TKLGGU-00.pdf
Source: Amercian Psychological Association; Psychological Review 2000, Vol 107, No 3, 411-429

In layman’s terms, as women our natural response to stress – and one that produces positive physiological (and therefore psychological) benefits – is to look after our kids and draw upon our network of friends. And in particular our female friends.

But it seems to me that we frequently try to cope without reaching out for help. We worry that others have enough on their plate; we don’t want to be a burden and we close in ourselves.

This is WRONG WRONG WRONG! And if you’re in the middle of a tough period in your life, you simply can’t do it all by yourself. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to your friends and your family.

Of course you have to make a judgment call as to who you reach out to, but a good exercise for you to do now is this: Brainstorm all your friends and think of who might be a good support for you right now.

For example:

A friend who has experienced having a sick parent would be a good person to speak to if you have a sick parent.

If you think you might be suffering from depression, who do you know who has also suffered and who has come out the other end?

If your house is in a mess and you’ve got a lot on your plate, you probably need someone down to earth who can give you permission to take shortcuts on the housework and take the pressure off. Whom amongst your friends could give you a shot of down-to-earth advice and add a bit of lightness to what is, after all, only mess?!

And the Bonus Tip No. 3 ½ …

This tip is only a half because it’s so very simple, not because it’s any less important… GET PLENTY OF HUGS!

What else can I say? Cuddles always help. We know it instinctively. But if you want some evidence with your cuddle, the same American Journal of Psychology paper cited above concludes that:

“Positive physical contact in the form of touching, hugging, cuddling, and the
like is known to release oxytocin which, in turn, has anti-stress properties.”

My sincere hope is that, if you have got a lot on your plate right now, that these 4 simple strategies will help you a little. I’d love to hear from you about what else has helped you to cope with tough times. Please leave a comment and if you have benefited from this post, please do share with your social
networks.

No related posts.

How to Create a Balanced Life

amanda — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 01:01:18 +0000

When we are “out of balance” we know it. We are usually able to describe why we feel wrong, stressed and overwrought.

It might be that your head feels like it’s about to implode.

Maybe you feel physically tense in your body.

You might be more “shouty” and impatient when you’re out of balance, with a much shorter fuse than usual.

There are so many physical and mental symptoms, when you’re out of balance.

But do you recognize when your life is “IN balance”? Probably it’s less clear – because life rarely feels perfectly “in balance” for anyone, let alone busy working mums!

However, it’s essential that you get clarity on what “being IN balance” means to you. Why?

Because if you don’t know what you want, how will you even begin to get there?!

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
(From Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll)

Here are 8 Coach Yourself questions to help you decide which way you ought to go from here to get your life in balance:

What is your ideal picture of balance right now? What are the “ingredients” of a life that is in balance for you?
If you can’t attain that IDEAL picture of balance, then what is “good enough” or even “a bit better” than now? Think small shifts in your life and work.
What might be different in your ideal balance five or ten years from now? This is a really important question to ask yourself, and to answer, because above everything else it helps you to realise that nothing is static, especially for working mums! Everything is moving and life will change for you. So what is ideal now might not be ideal in five or ten years.
Think about how many hours a week you actually want to work, how many weeks of holiday you want to take each year. Not how many you think you can take, but how many you’d like to take. Write that number down and write down what you want to do with those non working weeks each year.
How much time do you want to spend with your children and with your partner each week? Be
honest – nobody is going to review your answers! Not how many you think you should want to spend, but how many hours per week of quality time you’d like with the significant people in your life.
How much time do you want to spend alone that’s not actually working time?
What is it that you love to do with your “alone time”? What makes your heart sing and fills you with zest for life?
How much m*ney do you need to be in balance? Do you REALLY need m*ney to be in balance? How could you be in balance no matter how much m*ney you have?

Once you’ve answered those questions and looked back on your answers, write up, draw or scribble your ideal picture of your future balanced life, in a couple of sentences or one paragraph or one sheet of paper for a drawing.

Once you’ve don’t this, commit to one baby step that will take you TOWARDS your balance vision.

And once you’ve taken this baby step, take another.

One step at a time.

Read your statement regularly and review it to see whether you are moving towards it or away from it. It will serve as a reminder for WHAT YOU WANT. And that is very powerful.

If you’d like some clarity so that you can get your life in more balance right now, take a look at the brand new FaB Club for Working Mums. Our next coaching call takes place Monday 15th April. You’ll get access to Europe’s foremost Working Mother’s Coach as well as a tribe of like-minded bright and sassy working mums. Click here to find out all the benefits of the FaB Club and join at the limited Founder Members’ Rate.

Where does all YOUR time go?!

amanda — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:22:21 +0000

You have 168 hours in each week – exactly the same as every other human being on the planet.

Now, take away let’s say 8 hours sleep a night and you’re left with 112 waking hours per week . How do you spend those 112 hours? Have you ever looked at exactly where your time goes?

The other week, one of my lovely clients, a woman who is full of life and ideas, told me she wanted us to look at all the things she wanted to do each week and create a plan for fitting them all in.

As she read out her list, I knew that she was trying to fit far too much into her week. But I said nothing! Instead, we did an exercise together that was very revealing.

I asked her to write down all the things she had to do and all the things she wanted to do each week.

Then we went through each of these things – some were work related, some pleasure, some were self development and so on.

I asked her to estimate how much time each activity in her life would take. We went through everything from business activities to housework, from meditation to eating lunch. We estimated a duration for EVERYTHING in her week.

Guess what? She didn’t have enough hours in the week! She wasn’t over by just a few hours, but by a significant number of hours. We then discovered that there were things that needed to be included each week that weren’t even on the list.

Something had to give!

So we went through her list again and I asked her to make a choice about some things. These are the kind of questions I asked:

What is essential?
What is something you want to do but that can wait?
If you have to choose between A and B, which would you choose – for now?

It’s not that you can’t “have it all”. It’s just that you cant’ have it all at the same time in your life!

How to find out where your time goes

If, like many working mums, you find yourself frustrated because you’re not achieving all the things you want to achieve each week, try this exercise:

Create a 2 column table in a document and in the first column type in the times you are awake each day in 15 minute increments. It will look something like this:

7- 7.15
7.15-7.30
7.30-7.45
7.45-8.00

And so on, through to the latest time you go to bed. Print 3-4 copies of this and take it with you are and track your time for 3 to 4 days. It requires some commitment as you have to keep an eye on what you did for each 15 minute chunk of time, but it’s worth doing even if just for a couple of days.

What did you discover about how you spend your time?

Once you’ve finished the 3-4 day exercise, analyse your time.

Is there time you are wasting repeatedly?
Are there activities you spent a lot of time on and you realise you would prefer to allocate that time to something else?
What was most surprising to you about how you spent your time?

Awareness is the precursor to choice

This exercise will help you to become more aware of how you spend your time. Which means that you can make choices about how you spend your time.

This is a fantastic exercise for anyone who feels that there is never enough time to do all the things they want to do, and particularly high achieving woman who think they can do it all and be it all!

It’s a real time management wake-up call and it will help you to understand you are NOT superwoman and that you really do have to be discerning about how you spend your time.

My challenge to you is to try out this exercise and report back below in the comments. What will you discover about where your time goes, I wonder?

5 Reasons It’s Great To Fail

amanda — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 13:54:43 +0000

I’ve been thinking about the nature of failing, not giving up and keeping on trying this week. So here are 5 reasons to embrace failure in your life!

1. You learn by failing

Babies learn to walk by falling down.. A LOT!
You learn to windsurf by falling off the board and into the water – again and again and again. It’s the only way!
You learn a language by trying to have a conversation, getting it wrong and getting corrected.

There are thousands of examples I could give.

When you feel afraid of failing, the trick is to remind yourself of all the times you’ve failed and what you learned. And of course, what you eventually achieved from those failures.

2. You will never succeed at anything if you don’t fail first

I was talking to a friend the other day who has been interviewing some of the highest earning Internet marketers. She told me that the Number One thing they all say makes a difference between success and failure is that those who succeed have just kept on going. Persistence, consistency and dogged determination result in success eventually, each and every time.

You’ve got to get comfortable with failure and just keep on going until you get there!

3. Every failure moves you closer to success

Telephone sales people are often taught this technique: Instead of hoping for a yes from each cold call they make, they are told to start collecting “no’s” in the knowledge that, by the sheer law of probability, the more rejections they collect, the closer they are getting to the big “Yes”.

I have also heard that there are some very plain men out there who swear by this technique for chatting up women! They simply ask more women until they eventually get a yes!

Just keep collecting those failures, safe in the knowledge that each one is moving you closer to success.

4. Failing builds your resilience

One thing that you need to understand is that failure is an event, not a person. It doesn’t define you as a “loser” for the rest of your life—unless you let it.

Failure happens to you—it isn’t who you are. You’re not a victim, but it also doesn’t define you. So when you fail (notice I didn’t say “if”), pick yourself up and try again. Remember the old adage:

“If at first you don’t succeed, try try again!” (or is that just another one from my mum?!)

You must adjust your attitude as you recuperate from a failure. You will rise to your own expectations. Psychologists call this a “self-fulfilling prophecy,” and we are suckers to believe our own words.

So adjust your attitude to the positive side of things and you will build your resilience.

Now, for you as a mother, this is very important, because…

Failure makes you a FANTASTIC role model for your children

You always encourage your kids to keep on trying, don’t you? You don’t tell them not to try something in case they might fail.
I’m a great believer in actions being stronger than words. We need to show our children “do as we do” rather than “do as we say”.

Let your children see that you can fail and that you always spring back up again and you keep trying. By treating failure as a normal part of life, you help your children to be courageous. They will never achieve their own dreams if they are afraid of failure.

Remember, your kids are looking at YOU to learn not to be afraid of failure!

When was the last time you failed and what did you learn from it? Is there something you have been avoiding because you are afraid of failure? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Leave me a comment! And if you liked this blog post, please share it with your friends!

5 Reasons Why Working Mums ROCK!

amanda — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 23:14:18 +0000

Today is International Women’s Day, when we reflect on progress that has been made for women and think about how we can improve life for women across the globe.

However, if you’re a busy working mother, International Women’s Day might not be top of your agenda today! You may have a day of meetings ahead of you, a deadline to keep, office politics to navigate at work.

And if you are in the UK, you are in no doubt aware that it is Mothers’ Day on Sunday!

Is this an important day for you as a mum?

Will you be hoping for a delicious breakfast in bed of warm croissants, fruit and yoghurt? Are you likely to get burnt toast instead?

Personally, I think there a Mothers’ Day would be nice once a week, rather then once a year! A day when you take the day off from remembering it all, doing it all and trying to be it all!

But whilst we are waiting for a “Once a Week Mothers’ Day” to arrive (no holding your breath girls), let’s celebrate all that you are and all that you do on this special weekend for women.

Here are 5 reasons why YOU simply ROCK!….

1. You juggle

Oh boy! And how!!! Multitasking is a subject for debate, but let’s face it, women make multitasking into an art form. We have to!

You ROCK because you can juggle WAY more than 3 “balls” at once. You get your make up on, get your kids to school, do a day’s work and present a professional face to the World. Even when you’re sleep deprived, which is most of the time. And then you come home and make dinner.
Celebrate: Just for today, do just one thing at a time. If that’s difficult, try this technique:

Write down everything that’s on your mind/ To Do List on a piece of paper. Now get a clean sheet and write just ONE THING that you are focusing on now. Once that’s done, cross it out, go back to your master list and repeat.

2. You connect

You ROCK because you are able to talk things through with your friends and that is GREAT. Did you know that one of the major responses to stress in females is to befriend and connect? You manage your own stress levels this way and you help others by offering a listening ear, a hug and your presence. That’s pure gold.

Celebrate: Make another woman’s day this Women’s Day: Tell one of your best friends how much she means to you today.

3. You achieve

You ROCK because, even though you tend not to reflect on your achievements each day, there are many! And make no mistake, it’s all those little things that you manage to keep going that make up those achievements for you to be proud of.

It’s not all about huge endeavours – One of life’s real challenges is raising kids whilst holding down a job and still having a smile on your face!

Celebrate: Jot down all your achievements from this week. Did you fit in some exercise in a busy schedule? Did you manage to think of a book character for your child to dress up as at primary school yesterday and cobble something together? Did you get through a tough day at work this week?

4. You are a good mum

You ROCK because you try your best. You might worry about what your kids are eating and even though you are often confused about what is “healthy”, you try your best. You think about others and you do your best for your kids. You are a good mum!

Being a good mum can be expressed in many ways. It might be making them a costume or it might be inviting their friend for a play date. Or a multitude of other ways that are uniquely yours.

Celebrate: Don’t compare yourself to other mums. Recognise your own strengths as a mum and keep playing to them. There’s no definition of a perfect mum. Trust your own instincts and pat yourself on the back for the constant learning curve that you are on as a mum.

5. You contribute

You ROCK because are bringing up your kids to be good citizens and teaching them solid values to help them add rather than subtract from the World. You work – you are contributing to the economy, to the household, to the richness of an ever-evolving World.

Whatever your job, however much you earn, whether you love it or loathe it, you are making a positive difference to this World.

Celebrate: Do something for you today or this weekend. What would you like to look forward to this evening or tomorrow? Do something delicious just for you.

After all, if you can’t make a case for treating yourself on International Women’s Day and Mothers’ Day weekend, when can you?!