A hectic working week sandwiched in-between caring for demanding offspring can lead to a pressure- pot atmosphere in your home life as a working mother. How true it is that we often take out our frustrations on the ones we love, or at least the ones we share a mortgage with… because they can’t run off that easily! In addition to our tips below, consider setting up a family vision statement to keep bickering at bay.
Take a look at these five top tips to keep the bickering at bay and stay married:
1. It’s not a competition. But let’s face it, if it were, as a working mum you’d win hands down. It is so tempting to play this game at the end of every day, who has had it hardest? Legitimately both sides see things from their own perspective leaving little room for empathy, sympathy or any real sense of caring at all. Once you decide that you both have had a tough day and stop competing, you’ll find that you can both start enjoying the time left at the end of a busy day rather than reliving all the stresses.
2. Get things agreed upfront, with defined time lines. Communication is often where it all falls apart and the sheer lack of communication in many married couples is mesmerising as their conversations are reduced to short hand in an attempt to save time. Working mums often have an approach to chores which involves getting them completed as soon as possible otherwise the on-going list of’ things to do’ builds up at an alarming pace. Ensure that your partner is aware that his weekend off may include one or two chores, agree up front which are his responsibility and the time or date that you would like them completed by. Then do not mention it again. Until the deadline passes, or he completes it perfectly (you can choose the appropriate response to these two dichotomising outcomes). Whatever approach you take, do not, under any circumstances, get frustrated by his snail speed and do it yourself.
Be a unified front – kids can be cunningly clever and they’ll pull your relationship at the seams as they try and pitch daddy versus mummy. Agree your rules and values together and stick to them and don’t use your kids to score points against each other.
3. Allow him his own me- time. You’ll resent all the slack jawed gawping at the sports channels undoubtedly, but our partners need their recuperation time as much as us. Many men prefer not to talk about how their day was; they might simply want to switch their brains off. Let him have his way of relaxing, even if it’s very different from yours. There’s no right or wrong!
4. Don’t be a martyr, make sure your needs are met. It’s easy to lose what you want when you are so focused on everybody else’s needs. It is not an attractive trait allowing yourself to be forgotten about and then complaining about it in a row after the event. Be selfish occasionally; tell your family that you are going to take time out to and that they have to fend for themselves. They’ll respect you far more for this approach.
Bickering with husbands is a natural and frequent occurrence in most households but add one working mum into the mix and watch the chemical reaction. Remember above all else – deep breaths!
Have a tip on how you keep your relationship healthy, or want to give some love to your fellow working mums? Do share below and don’t forget to visit Coaching Mums to view our latest FREE resources for helping you achieve more balance in your life. If you’d like a little inspiration and support delivered free to your inbox, click here to sign up for my free ezine; Inspire.